Jokes for the Day

• साला इतनी गर्मी है..!! मन तो कर रहा कि, ..रज़ाई ओढ़ के आत्महत्या कर लूँ…!! 😜😜😜😜👈

• 🙏🙏नमस्कार मित्रों ….🙏🙏 अपनी AC कार में .. बैठ कर रिक्शेवाले, हाथठेले वाले को हार्न प्रताड़ना देने से पहले ये याद रखिये कि ….. 45 डिग्री तापमान मे इस जलती हुई सड़क से हट जाने कि जल्दी .. उन्हे आप से ज़्यादा है .

• JOBS in Airtel…… Send ur resume to careers@airtel.in Last Dt: 30th june 2016. Location:Delhi Salary: 1,95,000/- per month. Job Description: To sit on Airtel tower & stop Vodafone signals!

•Teacher: beta, “kabutar” 🐦 pey wakya ( sentence) banao … Student: subaha ki pee hui sharab, shaam ko _*kab-utar*_ jaati hai …pata hi nahi chalta….! 🤔😜😂😂💃💃👍😷 .

• Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan… Meri bhain da hoya si !

• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?

• Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar
pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that…
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

• Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.

• Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli ‘ Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain’

• Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

• Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!

• A sweet girl goes to Banta’s shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

• Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.

• 📣विनम्र सूचना📣 बारिश के मौसम में सोते समय सारे कपड़े उतार के सोएं बाहर रस्सी पे रह गए तो भीग जायेंगे। 😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

• Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

• I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can’t
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs

• Q: What do you call a man who can’t hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can’t hear na!!!

• Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name
plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata

• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don’t know.
Santa: Well… He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!

• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

• Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can’t look at the menu also?

• Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.

• Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.

• Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2 him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn’t know it was her turn

• Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.

• Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA

• Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se…?
Santa: Tumhari hai.

• Santa: I’d like some Vitamins for my son..
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn’t know the albhabets yet.

• Santa’s son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain.
Banta’s son: How?
Santa’s son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli pakad lete hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.

• Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest.

• What’s an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.

• Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se pehle…
Santa: Don’t worry darling, I’m already married.

• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.

• Pappu: Dad what’s Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?

• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena .
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!

• Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?

• Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru….Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya NAAN nikal de.

• Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…

• Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?

• Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht,
Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.

• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

• Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?

• Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si..

• Santa’s father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.

• Boss: I’m giving u driver’s job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it OK ?
Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is DRIVING salary?

• Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Banta:
Aaho, lorry number is also written… BC 1760 !!!.

. • Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!

• Santa to wife: Did u hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof ginan tan de.

• Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya .
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya , khade-khade karni padi.

• Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!

• Santa: Dr. saab, I’m suffering from loose motion.
Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai?
Santa: Dr. saab, samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho !

• Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!

• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in
class.
She called on him and said, “Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “Cartoon Network, Ten Sports,
Discovery Channel and Pogo!”

• Santa: What’s the name of ur car?
Banta: I don’t know but it starts with “T”
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te
Petrol nal start hundi hai.

• Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?

• Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!

Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua…

• Santa bought a car on loan… He didn’t pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I’d have taken a loan for my marriage also!

• Banta mujra dekhne gaya , sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga..

• Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta?
Papu: LADIES TOILET!

• Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic
inspector stopped him.
Banta: I’m learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!

• Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It’s a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

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Say No to Easy Money

The day will change and I will be rich is a thought process of every common human at earth.  When you ask them how do you think this? Most familiar answer is,” I have seen this happening in lots of movies or the stories my grandmother used to tell me”

I just want to convey it to my audience this is not possible in today’s date (ERA). Such things are show cast to others to get the things going and run their business. Now the first question you will ask what business my grandmother is doing here? Very simple one she wants you to think positive second she wants you to sleep with high dreams…..

and the film makers know how to play best with emotions to earn maximum money through their film.

We are living into 21st Century and we must understand what is possible with current technology and human efforts. Just to guide you little more on this subject, I will request you to think strongly when you see any advertisement .Majority of advertisements are for products and few are for services. Advertisements are positive and show you that what they are presenting is best among competitors and   every competitor is doing same thing.

Why people create ads on Internet but don’t publish same in newspaper or TV because source of advertisement over Internet is cheaper and there is no requirement to take any approval from Govt.  On internet one can present whatever he or she wishes to without investing major amount of money.  That is what encourage these fraud people to show that money can be earned very easily by sitting at home and ask people to deposit some money to their account if you wish to start earning easy money. These scam sites rank very high on the list of the top types of internet frauds.  Usually these scammers target the following kinds of people- the sick, disabled, elderly, housewives, unemployed and low income families. The true purpose of such an offer is to extort money from the victim. Victims will spend lots of money and time with no pay in return and victim’s information is sold to other scammers who then contact the victim with new scams.  My goal is to save your time, money and heartbreak before you fall for the scams. Beware and careful if these sites ask for money.  A legitimate site will never ask for money to join

I am closing this article with a humble request to everyone, Please avoid such advertisements and sites and try to expose these frauds to save hard earned money of our brothers and sisters. Have you faced any scam sites share your feedback and comments below?

Wishing you a scam free month….

9 Tips to Improve your Wi-Fi

If Windows ever notifies you about a weak signal, it probably means your connection isn’t as fast or as reliable as it could be. Worse, you might lose your connection entirely in some parts of your home. If you’re looking to improve the signal for your wireless network, try some of these tips for extending your wireless range and improving your wireless network performance.

1. Position your wireless router (or wireless access point) in a central location
2. Move the router off the floor and away from walls and metal objects (such as metal file cabinets)
3. Replace your router’s omni-directional antenna with Hi-gain antena
4. Replace your computer‘s wireless network adapter
5. Add a wireless repeater
6. Upgrade 802.11b devices to 802.11g
7. Change your wireless channel to 1,6 or 11
8. Reduce wireless interference to 2.4 GHz
9. Update your firmware or your network adapter driver

Enjoy the Best of Wi-Fi Please share your feedback……..